Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
