Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
