I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
