I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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