Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
