Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
