I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
please come you make the beer taste better
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
