How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
