her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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