I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
