Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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