home. puking in laundry basket.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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