talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
