you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
