i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We got so high we made milksteak
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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