Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
