FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
