and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
