alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
