Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
