Your mouth is God's brothel.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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