I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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