Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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