Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish I only lived at night.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
