Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
