she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize