I looked at my own cervix.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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