she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also, beer. Big fan.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
