sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
