my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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