Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
