she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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