There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
