i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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