clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
