Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
