my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
