Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
