party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
