i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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