Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
