I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
