i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
