ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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