the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
