the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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