That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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