party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
