Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
