So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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