Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
