Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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