he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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