I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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