We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
