For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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