JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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