im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
