take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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