He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
