I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
