so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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