Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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