My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
