A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
