make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
