obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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