im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
