i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We need to get me chipped asap
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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