Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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