So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
