Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
only you would photoshop your dick
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
